Home at last

As of tomorrow I will have been home for a week now. I didn't post as soon as I got home because things were too weird, too much was going on, I was jet lagged and being home was as confusing and strange as it was exciting. I have not yet returned to a normal sleep schedule, but I am sure it is only a matter of time before I will be fully immersed in this summer and experience instead of recovering from the last one.

Here is what I wrote on June 16:

On Wednesday evening I left my beloved Cape Town.  As all 21 of us piled into the van and drove away from the K-house, all 18 of us girls were sobbing our eyes out (the three guys don’t cry).  The only moment sadder than that was when we all got to Amsterdam and had to say goodbye. Picture 21 young American students hugging and crying and crying and hugging.  Clearly we made a scene, but we didn’t care.  This experience, and the relationships we made with one another on the way were far more incredible that we had ever imagined.  But the other side of it is that leaving Cape Town, the place that has become our home, and separating from the 20 people who have become our best friends and have forever changed our lives, knowing we will never all be together in that context again, is really hard. And coming home and moving on from this experience, without those 20 people and trying to live the same life is really hard, too.

A few months ago I would have told you that I was ready to come home, and that I would be ready on June 13^th when it came time to leave.  At some point, without me knowing, that changed. Cape Town became my home, my roommates became my family, and as much as I missed everyone at home, I didn’t want or need to leave, but it was time. Over the past few months I have discovered more than ever before what incredible family and friends I have been blessed with.  They have supported me, even though it scared them to death for me to go to South Africa on my own, or even though it hurt them to be away from me for five months, or even though they didn’t completely understand. I am so blessed and lucky to have that. 

Today:

This study abroad thing does something really strange to you.  Here I am, in my beautiful house with my wonderful family, the day after my 21^st birthday and I can’t think of anything in the world that I need and don’t already have. Yet, I’m grieving the loss of my life in Cape Town and the loss of my friends surrounding me all the time. But I am forever grateful, to them for changing my life, to Cape Town for changing my perspective, and to my parents and family and friends for still loving me right now, through this weird and uncomfortable time of transition in my own home. I am grateful beyond words to have had this experience and I know soon enough I will be happy as ever, though I won’t say my old self, because I only hope that five months in SA have changed me at least the slightest. Until my next African adventure, salani kakuhle.

Enkosi